So I like the part where the new guy at work likes me and I haven't shown any interest.
actually I've been mostly ignoring him so there cant be any misjudging of my intentions. And yet still. I started over and I'm not going down that road again. I'm not hurting people again like I did to Nathan and Ron, which truly wasn't fair and just selfish of me. But I'm doing so much better now, why can't this kid take a hint hmm?

And the smallest things set me off...

Ticondaroga pencils make me happy. Seeing a brandy new, perfectly sharpened one sitting on my desk just made this whole day better. I can't wait until I get a whole box of them. Use your imaginations people. It really is the little things in life that make me happy.

I'm not sure if it's getting worse or getting better. Sucks hardcore, wish I could figure that out at least.

Sometimes I love my friends more than usual


DruidMettool (11:59:51 PM): Have a good night, and stay beautiful.

Text message session during a wedding I attended this weekend.

Me: The kid across the table keeps staring at me lol.
Tiffer: Lol he's like nomnom hottie /drool.
Me: Haha that's what I needed. Thanks.


Me: He's got a girlfriend we just found out...
Tiffer: He still horny I bet lol

She makes my nights happy

"I'm drowning. But you know what? I'm not sure if I want to come up for air."
wow have I come full circle or what. Hahaha Ahh well. Life goes on.

Just a small question guys, how do you know that you can trust someone or just people in general?

So today I told Ron the truth and recounted every lie that I've ever told him. I can't understand this sudden feeling of freedom, like a huge weight has been lifted forgive the cliche. I haven't been this happy in weeks! So I'm making progress in what I intended to do with this "break" and hopefully I can continue so that sooner rather than later I can come back and be completly clean and ready to start over.

People who first say a situation isn't their business and then involve themselves in it are hipocrites yes? Lol and I type real fast when I'm mad ^_^ And thanks to you two awesomest lj buddies evers.

For God's sake give me a break! Somebody give me some answers!

Fixed some stuff. We came to the conclusion that I'm afraid of commitment, and there really isn't anything I can do about it. He told me that no matter what everyone says and what I think, we are not, in fact, married, we're just boyfriend and girlfriend. And that's going to last as long as I want it to. So I guess it's all right now. Thanks guys.

I"m gonna go camp out in my bed for the rest of my life. If you need me just..um...do something.

Told him today that I'm not going to text him anymore, and if he wants to see me then he can text or call me. Ron thinks thats going to prove to me that he only wants to talk to me when he's bored or something like that. Secretly I'm hoping that Ron is wrong but we'll see.

He finally said it.

him: I'm sorry I got us into this mess.
me: No, it's not your fault.
him: yes it is. I never should have left you.

And then I couldn't breathe. Probably the most amazing thing I've ever heard. Too bad nothing can come of it.

Yeah school registration started this week for spring semester! I'm so excited it doesn't even make sense anymore. I've missed everyone so much and I miss doing homework and the like. And this puts me even closer to graduation and a real big-girl job. I'm just so happy. When I went to school today to get Ron all situated, I found that they have an anime club there now and Jessie is the president. That would be wicked cool to participate in. There are so many people there that I don't recognize or have never met. It's so strange. But that's alright I suppose. Yay for school again!

I went to my first anime/cosplay related event besides Anime Boston yesterday! It was in Harvard Square hosted by Tokyo Kid. Halloween-ish cosplay contest! I didn't win, but I did get an honorable mention in the apprentice division. Go Sakura. And much glomping by other girls and a few guys too. I think I have to do some more of her outfits, they just get such a great reception.

I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
it's always you in my big dreams

And you tell me
That it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And you're restless
And I'm naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
no, could you let me go
I didn't think so

and you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
the present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
and it did because of me

And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live

I had these dreams, in them I learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But damn it you're so young
But I don't think I care
and if I hurt you then i'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy

And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what it's like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking, what I was thinking
But we've been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do
Was touch her long blonde hair
And I've been thinking
It hurts me thinking
That these nights when we were drinking
No they never got us anywhere, no

This is because I can spell konfusion with a K
And I can like it
It's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
I'm not your star
Isn't that what you said?
what you thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what I did to you
All the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine

They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No

This is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
Hey, You know, you keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these fucked up things I did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine

Spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And I said,
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you

I miss you

And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no No,
And then you'll kiss me in your living room, oh
I know you miss me in your living room
Cause these nights I think maybe that I miss you in my living room
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live

...My Konstantine.



9:35 second songs are amazing and I can't quite get over it.

She's trapped inside her room
with reruns on the screen
Old books and movies
but she can't stop thinking
I'm torn between myself
my radio my friends
I want to write this one off over and over again
And then she looked at me to scream
"my castles are falling"
But i can't look into the street
without everything changing


I want to read good news
I want to be innocent again
I want to read good news
but nothing good is happening

She waits all day
she stands a stranger in her skin
She moves the science with her hands
She lines her walls
with every paper she can see
These words consume her
but they never set her free

And then she looked at me to scream
"my castles are falling"
But i can't look into the street
without everything changing

I want to read good news
I want to be innocent again
I want to read good news
but nothing good is happening

I want to read good news
I want to be a little kid again
I want to read good news
but nothing good is happening

I want to read good news
I want to go to sleep at night again
I want to read good news
but nothing good is happening

Even my dream-self can't find a job, this sucks hardcore.